Hayley's Blog

 Success Story.  Describe, in detail, a success story from your first year of teaching.

   I feel like this is such a loaded prompt.  If you downplay your success in the classroom you come off sounding like you had a horrible year.  However, if you aggrandize your little accomplishments you sound like a total tool.  Yeesh, I guess the reality of the situation is that I fall somewhere in between.  I think that's the case with most people.  The unfortunate thing about most of our successes, though, comes from the fact that these stories are so embedded in the teachers and not the students.  I look back at the moments where kids praised what I was doing and I think, "There, that's success."  Talk about selfishness. That moment had nothing to do with the students and everything to do with me.  So I've been racking my brain to find some evidence of student growth that had nothing to do with kids complimenting me, giving me pictures, or simply telling me they were learning something.  In all honesty, I came up with nothing.  I guess I attached too much of my success to how I felt my kids felt, something I definitely want to change next year.  So I had to settle on the two things for which I'm most proud:

1.  Toward the end of the year, I had a bell ringer that asked my students to describe how they thought they'd changed over the year or how they felt they were different from last year.  I'd asked them to complete this assignment shortly after I'd received news that I was going to be moving up to 8th grade with them because I realized I was going to have the privilege of seeing my kids develop through two of the most tumultuous years of their life.  All of the sudden, I was so curious to know how they felt they'd changed already.  Anyway, I thought I was going to get a lot of answers about getting taller, getting boyfriends and girlfriends, or becoming cooler.  Social stuff.  Topics of this nature tended to dominate their writing, and I expected this to be the same.  I ended up being surprised by most of the answers because more times than not, the changes had something to do with academics.  There were two answers that humbled me more than the others because they were from two of my favorite students, Nolean and Allison.  Both of them claimed that they read more these days than they did before.  Now, I do have to give some credit to Stephenie Meyer and her Twilight series for being a big hit with my kiddos, but I feel that in some small way I had something to do with it too.  Though I can't say I had the best lessons or the most structured room, I can say that I showed enthusiasm for books.  I tried to fill my room with books, I read aloud to my kids constantly, and I really pushed my advanced classes by making them read The Giver, Walk Two Moons, and The Diary of Anne Frank.  I think I might have gotten a few students to read a little more than they usually did, and the fact that two of my most beloved students seemed to agree gave me one of the few gratifying experiences during my year.  As cheesy as it sounds, those bell ringers couldn't have come at a better time, as I almost ended the year feeling too down on myself for my performance.

2.  My second success was simple: I did not quit.  Towards March and April, I gave considerable thought to quitting the program because I was sad most of the time, lethargic/unhealthy, and felt I was making no contribution to education at all.  My mom was really worried about me and begged me to just come home, so I looked at teacher vacancies nearly every night on the internet.  She kept telling me that I had changed into a person that she didn't recognize.  And I knew exactly what she meant.  The only thing that kept me going was the promise that I might get to teach alongside Funt in the 8th grade the next year.  I don't know what I would have done without Funt, Hayman, Brin, and Goldwasser around to be my cheerleaders.  If not for them, I don't think I would have had any motivation to get out of bed in the morning.  Most other people just seemed to assume that I was doing fine, but nothing could be farther from the truth.  In the end, I stuck it out, and I'm glad I did.  Looking back, things weren't really that bad.  Nothing was more than I could handle at any given time.  I think I was just exhausted and disappointed in myself.  A daily dose of that can really stifle a person.  When I think about this measly little success, I'm reminded of Parks' story about the little girl/boy saving starfish one by one on the beach, even though the task is monumental.  I can hear him saying, "But I saved that one.  But I saved that one."  Well, I can't say that I really saved any.  But I CAN say that I'm still on the beach.  That counts for a lot in my book.   

Failure story.  Describe, in detail, an event, student, experience, etc. during the year where you failed.

   If there's one thing I feel I've made abundantly clear, both through my blogs and through my conversations with other MTC teachers, it's that I have had a year chock full of failure.  The idea of narrowing it down any further almost seems too impossible to me.  But so many people have already said that.  And in a way, I guess we feel like we're supposed to say it.  It follows tradition.
   I get the feeling, though, that our prompt, as shown above, wanted more than my usual whiny blog about how poorly I did this year.  So I started thinking about all of my failures and what I feel caused them.  While I've given this speech to lots of my peers already, it never hurts to share my insights on a grander scale (I guess).
   The first thing you need to do is get a clear picture of my failure, and there's no clearer way to see it than through the face of Tasha B., one of my fourth period students.  This is Tasha, in the arms of one of my goofiest students:

DSC_0033

    After a year of struggling, there are numerous things I want to work on/change about the way I teach.  The three things that I feel will help me most next year, however, are not necessarily things I can implement fully during summer school.  I'm hoping to try out some new stuff during summer school and spend my free time thinking through some of my classroom snafus.

The Three things I need to work on:
1. Classroom Management
   Managing a classroom was one of my biggest challenges this year because I think I had an entirely wrong idea of how to do it well.  I thought managing a classroom meant being the biggest witch on the planet.  When that didn't work, I became a bunny rabbit.  What I'm finding is that classroom management starts first with being yourself and yet being confident and assertive.  You have to know you're the adult in the classroom.  But that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own personality.  This balance has been difficult for me to figure out, and even though summer school kids are angels (usually) compared to kids during the actual school year, I feel like this is something I can work on a little as I teach my lessons this summer.  I'm looking forward to this second chance to set up a classroom so I can do a better job of being a confident version of myself.

2. Organization
   One thing that will make my teaching life a lot easier is streamlining my organization.  I went into the school year with an organization plan that just didn't fit my energy level or school/classroom.  Now that I know how my school works and since I'll be teaching the same set of kiddos, I feel better about my ability to create classroom organization and documentation systems that actually work.

3. Reading Instruction
   A huge challenge this year was trying to teach literary skills to a bunch of kids who can hardly read.  Since I'm the reading teacher, I feel like it is my responsibility to at least try and help those students who need basic reading instruction or phonetic help.  I've been doing a lot of research on how to teach reading and how to handle differentiated instruction, but I'm not sure what will work best for my kids.  Plus, I want to give my students more time in class to read books on their reading level, but I'm still trying to decide what incentives/grading system will make that work best.  We're reading The Giver with our summer school class, so I'm planning to do some experimentation with literature circles and the like.

ONE thing I do well:
I'm flexible.  I don't mind changing what's not working, and I don't mind researching things to make my instruction better.  I guess that's worth something.

   Many of the ideas for my school district came from the things I both like and dislike about the school in which I now teach and the school I attended as a child.  One thing I dislike about both is how disharmonious they are with the surrounding communities and how separate school life seems from everyday life.  I love that my childhood school gave students many opportunities for freedom, and I get sick to my stomach when I consider how limited my own students' choices are.  I feel like my students never had the chance to develop decision-making skills, self-motivation, or mutual respect because of the way they have been treated at school.  Therefore, I tried to create an environment that promotes student freedom, both inside and outside the classroom.  I wanted a school that values child and adult literacy (the reading teacher in me, I guess).  I made the school a resource for the community, and I tried to give students a feeling of responsibility for that community.  Finally, I tried to make school life more cyclical.  I envisioned a calendar and daily schedule that gives learning a natural feel, so that instead of counting down the days to summer vacation, students could view school as a life-long, very personal process.  While my school district has obvious flaws, I am proud that it does not shy away from giving students accountability.  I sometimes wonder how much students could achieve if they felt any sort of ownership over what they learned.  This design stems from that basic question.

Here's my school district:
http://hayley-sr3zo.posterous.com/
Hope you like it!

...well, swine flu.

     On a more serious note, if I were in charge my school and there had been incidents of swine flu, I don't think I would do much more than send a few Get Well Soon cards and some balloons.  I feel like this would be the necessary reaction, especially if my school was in the midst of state testing or final athletic events,  From the bit of research I have done, swine flu is no more dangerous than the regular flu, providing you have access to decent medical care.  I understand that many of the students in my school are poor and may not have that access, but I honestly don't think staying at home would help the situation.  Such a situation reminds me of the way my students react in the gym every morning if they hear a loud noise.  One kid screams, then they all scream, and then they all stand up and start looking for the fight.  Inevitably, this results in the student who first screamed pointing at everyone with raucous, you-feelin-it laughter.  Then everybody else laughs.  That's kind of what I imagine canceling school for the swine flu would be like.  Besides, if heading off the spread of swine flu means keeping students out of dirty, crowded spaces, then many of my students would be safer at school than at home.

     It's hard to believe that you're almost done with the program and that I'm almost finished with my first year.  I remember seeing you all for the first time and getting the impression that teaching was a snap.  You seemed so confident and at ease.  Now that I'm about to be in your place, I want to ask you something.  How in the world did you manage to pull off the whole confidence and ease gag?  Not that you guys aren't amazing, but now that I'm about to take your place, I see how helpless you can still feel after teaching for a whole year (not that a year is a long time in the scheme of things).  I'm still looking for answers, and I now realize that you must have been as well.  I can't imagine what the new crop of second-years will see when they look at me; hopefully I'll be able to give them the same comfort that you gave me.
     There is one thing that I think makes your class different from mine that I want to say thank you for.  You guys were completely honest, almost to the point of being too graphic.  I was shaking in my little closed-toe shoes by the end of the summer, what with hearing your personal stories and reading old blog entries and all.  Thank you.  You guys weren't lying about how dreadfully painful and terrible teaching can be.  It sucks most days.  Because you let it all hang out, I didn't feel the need to bottle it all up.  Because you admitted that you did a bad job most of the time, I can admit that I'm doing a bad job every second of every day.  And for someone like me, that means the world.  To know that I'm not alone in misery gives me hope that I'm not a complete failure, that I can do a better job next year.  So even though your failures sucked for you, thanks for having them so that I didn't have to feel like the only one.

There are a few special individuals who deserve my sincerest gratitude:
     The people I rarely got to see but really admired, Angela, Karl, Peter M., and Heather.  You are the people that bring a smile to my face, even though I seldom had the opportunity to see you.  Angela, you share my love of Arrested Development, and riding back from Jackson with you provided me with one of the best, most encouraging conversations of my time in MTC.  Karl, you're.....just so lovable.  I'm no even sure there's a specific reason for why I like you so much.  I just do.  Peter, you never seemed bothered by how much I hate people.  Maybe I'll see you in D.C. again someday.  Heather, I'll never forget the first thing you said to me, when I asked how you liked the program.  You said, "No, I hated it."  Wow.  I couldn't have had a better summer roommate.  You were honest and helpful.  Thank you!
     My Second-Years, Cary and Austin.  You guys were amazing.  You taught me how to teach, you showed me two different energies in the classroom (and how they're both necessary), you gave me encouraging advice, and you made me do a lot of work on my own.  Those things made the difference.  When I think back to our classroom, I'm amazed at how great it was, how smoothly it ran.  I know that that's because of your leadership.  You guys created the perfect yin and yang for our team, so I'm grateful to you for being yourselves.  Thursday night dinners were the highlight of my summer.
     My mentor, Michele.  You are the most organized and creative person in the world, and I have only benefited from it.  Thank you for all the millions of resources, classroom ideas, and management tricks.  And thanks for being my friend.  The Delta drives, photography trip, delicious meals, and great conversations were so encouraging.  I am also thankful to have met your daughter, who is just as intelligent and interesting as her mother.  I never dreamed that I would find an art friend in the program, much less someone who also teaches literature.  Being your mentee has been the greatest privilege a first-year could have.
     My fellow Byhalia Indians (and friends), Molly and Sam.   It's funny to think that I'd never really known any Jews until MTC and then you two become my closest friends (even though you're only half a Jew, Sam).  All I can think to say for myself is MOZEL TOV!  Good fortune, indeed!  Molly, thank you for having the energy and positivity that I don't.  You cleaned up after me (ahem, ahem), you made copies for me, you took in sub stuff, you listened to me vent, you made me be positive, you made me cookies, you made me be a little social, and so much more.  I know that wherever you end up next year, you will be fine because you have a way gliding through the messiest situations in life with the poise and grace that only a southern woman can.
     Sam, the only thing you're good for is Brin.  She is gorgeous and interesting, and I feel complete when I stare into her big brown eyes.  Okay, so maybe Brin is the best dog in the world, but she's not the only good thing about you.  You're pretty great, too.  Thank you for leaving all those piles of worksheets in my classroom; I use them almost every day now.  Thank you for telling me over and over again that your first year sucked worse than mine; the goodness of your second year helps me know that I will get better at this.  Thank you for taking me to Costco; those hot dogs, chocolate cakes, and random other moderately priced goods have changed my life.  Thank you for all the fun we had hanging out with the pack; those laid back moments helped me through the worst of it.  Thank you for laughing at our kids with me; you helped me see the good in them when all I wanted to see was the bad.  It has been so much fun teaching these 7th grade fools with you.  We laughed, you watched me cry.  That'll do, pig, that'll do.

...and this is all that I could find.

This is the honest-to-God's truth about what it's like to be a student in my classroom.  These students did not lie, brown nose, exaggerate based on their current mood, or blow off this bell ringer in any way.  I picked out my favorites.  Here they are:

"Ms. Hill is a good teacher cause I get away with a lot of things."

"Fun because of the games.  Sleepy because we don't do much.  And quick.  Interesting cause she don't yell much.  That is all I can say about Ms. Hill's class."

"In Ms. Hill's class it is borin, bu sometimes fun.  We don't do anything but read."

"To be a student in Ms. Hill's class is sometimes like being in a playground because we never do anything."

"It fells very different, because you are young, and the sane age a my brother.  Sometimes wehave fun in here, and laugh.  but most of the time we do work, and it is hard."

"What is it like to be a student in Ms. Hill Class, well, it is fun, learnable, and teachable.  How is it fun, well we do fun activities like all around the world and jeopardy and more.  We learn new things in class, too.  And sometime she teach us things."

"I feel weird because I can barely understand english and besides these kids dont' let me hear and I hope that stops soon this is I like to be in this class, I want."

"it feels good because your a kid and there's a woman in here and she teaches very good in class and she's very nice as a teacher she teaches and helps others and thats how it's like to be in Ms. Hill's class."

"Ms. Hill is real mean at times when you make her mad.  When you good she is nice."

"It is like when I do my work you don't put a grade and I get mad at you.  Then when I ask you a question you yell and try to get a little attitude and that's why I don't like to ask you question."

"Your class is dispicible and horrid.  I can't stand you class.  It is like ugh I just can't stand it.  it is gay, to.  April Fools."

"Being in Ms. Hill's class is fun and interesting.  I like how you read the books with action and emotion.  Sometimes I hate that they don't put attension in class and disrupped our class.  I know that if the kids would lisen to you and have respec for you the class would love you more.  I love to read book so I like this class and I feel pretty good.  Sometimes though when you sit down and don't talk alot about the lesson then I feel like I' am not learning anything."

Okay, the strip search debate.  After reading the article (here), I don't really have much of an opinion either way.  First of all, having to strip search a student at school is unfortunate.  No one wants to deal with drugs and the like at school, but that just seems to be a fact of life.  In this particular case, however, I have a lot of problems and questions.

1. Unless the article failed to mention it, the school district/state must not have had a protocol for strip-searching or law against it.  If, in fact, they didn't, then there is no reason to fault the administration for trying to take care of a drug problem.

2. The article assumes that Redding is telling the truth just because she was found without the drugs.  She claims her friend was lying.  She's probably lying, too.  It makes sense that she would have nothing on her if she did sell her friend the stuff.  She could just be milking this situation, though there's no way to know.  Just because she had never been to the office before doesn't mean she could never do drugs.

3. Redding's lawyers also seem to think that the word of another student is not enough for suspicion of drugs.  As a school administrator, that's usually the only information you have to work with.  I feel that the source of information being a student is irrelevent.  Whether a strip search is lawful or not does not depend on the how facts are accrued.

4. Where do you draw the line for safety?  Though the schools probably over-stepped their boundaries, I do applaud that action in some form was taken.  As a teacher in a failing school, I'm so tired of seeing administrators turn their heads at problems.  Getting rid of a huge issue like drugs in school will require action.

5. Was the student asked to strip in front of the nurse and a female secretary only?  If so, then I don't feel that it was too invasive.  Besides, the article makes no mention of Redding vocalizing her discomfort.  When asked to strip, she complied.  Though I was not there, and don't know any details, I doubt the search party ripped her clothes off or would have if she had expressed that she didn't want to cooperate.

disclaimer: I'm not a monster.  I just feel like we're all tired of reading the same things, and there are a lot of cases to be made for the admin.

How does this affect curriculum and instruction?
I suppose it could go either way.  You could lose the trust of students in some cases, meaning there would be a constant power struggle.  But isn't there already a constant power struggle, or is that only at my school?  In the most positive cases, the knowledge that drug use at school could lead to a strip search might hinder some students for using and selling at school, meaning there might be fewer high kids in your classes and fewer bathroom trips.  Who knows?  I think schools should be places in which students feel safe.  Does that mean you eliminate the danger of drugs by any means necessary or uphold the personel freedom of students by any means necessary.  There's not an easy answer.

     I very much enjoyed the Edutopia video on authentic assessment because my ideal school would be the sort of environment that utilizes interdisciplinary learning and alternative assignments.  However, I understand the necessity of standardized testing in a time of greater accountability for public schools.  My personal opinion, though, is that if students are given meaningful and challenging assignments, test scores will take care of themselves.  In fact, based on a study, it was found that when "teachers employed more authentic intellectual instruction, students logged test-score gains on the ITBS that exceeded the national average by 20 percent. However, students who were given few authentic assignments gained much less than the national average" ( article about teaching to the test).  Though I feel like making sure our students feel comfortable with standardized tests is important, I think there's so much more we can give them.

What does assessment looks like in your classroom now?
     As of now, I use a mixture of standard assessment and authentic assessment, though most of my tests are multiple-choice per the requirement of my administration.  Since I teach reading, though, I have tried a few authentic assessments in my classroom to help students interact with the books and stories that they read.
     Unfortunately, I've had mixed results with my authentic assessments.  Usually I only had a handful of students that genuinely tried and did a good job on the projects.  Others procrastinated, spent class time devoted to working goofing off, or didn't take the rubric I gave them seriously.  The result was a poor project that they felt deserved a 100 just because they turned it in.  On the standard tests, though, my students generally did better because they took them seriously.
     There are a few things I think that contributed to this mess:

• The students are accustomed to multiple-choice tests.

• Students are taught to take standard assessment seriously.

• I did not give the students an example of the ideal finished product.

• While I became more and more specific in my instructions, breakdown of the assignments, and expectations of project class time, I feel like I need to be even more detailed with middle schoolers.  Often, they still fell short of what I wanted.

• I was not consistent with my rubric in grading.  Because so few good projects were turned in, I usually inflated grades.  I think that if I grade accurately and fairly on the first project next time, my students will have a better idea of what I expect.

Are there any roadblocks that you may encounter as your vision of assessment changes?
     I see tons of roadblocks.  Here they are:

• My kids don't know how to be quiet.
• My kids don't read on grade level.
• My kids don't appreciate books.
• My kids don't understand the value of authentic assessment.
• My kids don't work well in groups without constant supervision.
• I often don't communicate clear expectations to my students, which leads to all of the above.  Sadly, I'm usually always the root of the problem.